About Face

I fell back into old habits of viewing and downloading porn. I don’t know what made me think I can control it; one video becomes another, becomes another, becomes another. If I were addicted to a harsh drug like cocaine or heroin, I’d be dead by now.

Do you ever look at your life and ask, how did I get here?

I’ve been asking myself that a lot here lately.

I can’t shake this feeling of worthlessness, because I am worthless.

You know, there just aren’t the words to beguile the way that I feel right now.

I even had an erotic story all lined up to write and publish. Not now.

A friend of mine asked me not long ago if I have any goals for myself; wants?

No. The only thing I’ve done thus far is just exist. I guess not wanting anything is easier than wanting something and not getting it.

So, now, I’m turning a blind eye to the porn. I don’t want it anymore. I haven’t wanted it for quite some time. Here’s to day one of sobriety!

Heavenly Father, if you don’t help me, I can’t get through this! If you don’t give me the strength the stand, I will fall! Help me, Lord Jesus! I’m sorry. Please forgive me, Lord! In Jesus name, amen.

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