What do I pray for?

One of the hardest things in the Christian life is prayer. You wouldn’t think that it’s that big of a problem, but it is. It isn’t easy to pray when you feel unworthy or feel like your words are meeting a brick wall. My every day life right now is so bland; one day isContinue reading “What do I pray for?”

Church

I went to church this morning. It’s sort of like a mega-church. Well, one or two steps shy of being a mega-church. Anyway, going into it, I guess I had hopes that I would receive divine wisdom, that somehow, I would receive a revelation. But I was wrong. They condense the service down to anContinue reading “Church”

Suicide

Suicide is a feeling of hopelessness; a feeling that nothing is going to get better. Feeling like the rut you’re in will last the rest of your life. Despite your best efforts, the walls of the canyon you’re mired in, stretch upwards for miles. Webster classifies rut as a noun: a habit or pattern ofContinue reading “Suicide”

Sleep

There is no equal balance of sleep with me. I either sleep too little, or too much. I can’t sleep at night. I don’t know if it’s the fact that I’m here at family’s and my wife and children are at home, but when everyone goes to bed, I get anxious. I can’t sleep. IContinue reading “Sleep”

About Face

I fell back into old habits of viewing and downloading porn. I don’t know what made me think I can control it; one video becomes another, becomes another, becomes another. If I were addicted to a harsh drug like cocaine or heroin, I’d be dead by now. Do you ever look at your life andContinue reading “About Face”

Off the Wagon

I succumbed to temptation and viewed porn this morning. Never before have I experienced withdrawals this horrendous; this constant. There are no words of consolation; no comfort. I failed. And I feel like a disappointment. Like a ravenous lion, pornography stalks me from the shadows. It watches me limp to safety, holding out my handContinue reading “Off the Wagon”

Porn Withdrawal Syndrome

The years I’ve spent being a heavy user of porn have taken their toll. The last few days-maybe even longer-have not been fun. I guess what I am going through is to be expected: irritability, anxiety, lethargy, stress, difficulty sleeping. All of these are signs of addiction withdrawal. I don’t think that I have everContinue reading “Porn Withdrawal Syndrome”

Crying Don’t Even Come Close

If I could sum up the way that I’ve been feeling here lately, it is this: crying don’t even come close. Do you ever have those days where you don’t feel like doing anything? Nothing interests you. What was once pleasurable now is not? What used to get your motor running, now doesn’t even turnContinue reading “Crying Don’t Even Come Close”

Wrestling with the Mind

In my last post “Dog Down”, I talked about how I repented of my sin to pornography. It marks about the hundredth time that I have. I know myself all too well. I know that I am human. That isn’t to say that I intend to return to watching porn. It is to say, however,Continue reading “Wrestling with the Mind”

Dog Down

I feel so down and so depressed. I guess I have a good reason to be. It’s hard to hold a smile, or even fake one. My family can tell. They hug me and tell me they love me. When I was in jail, I repented of my sin of pornography. It’s pretty sad thatContinue reading “Dog Down”