Suicide is a feeling of hopelessness; a feeling that nothing is going to get better. Feeling like the rut you’re in will last the rest of your life. Despite your best efforts, the walls of the canyon you’re mired in, stretch upwards for miles. Webster classifies rut as a noun: a habit or pattern ofContinue reading “Suicide”


Do you ever wake up in the morning feeling like a bad person? Feeling like a failure? Feeling like no matter what you do, there is always going to be someone to attack everything you say and do? Do you ever feel like you have given everything your best but your best is not enough?Continue reading “Worthless”


I’m restless tonight. As I typically am once my boys go to bed. It’s like my mind is on hyperdrive and there’s no way to put on the damn brakes! What do I do with my time now? Do I read? Do I write? Do I watch a movie? The fuck if I know! IContinue reading “Restless”

When I’m Gone

When you get the newsThat shatters your perfect lifeAnd breaks your worldInto a million piecesWhen you see me in my casketSkin cold and feeling like clayWhen your shadow stretchesAcross my graveAnd I leave youWith the same silenceYou’ve treated me withWhen your days are dark and gloomyAnd the only question you haveIs “why”When I’m goneMaybe thenContinue reading “When I’m Gone”

I Can

I can pray for others, but when it comes to praying for myself, I cannot find the words. I can give other people encouragement; try to help them see their eternal value, but I feel worthless. I can cry for others, but have to feel incredibly overwhelmed to be able to shed a single tear.Continue reading “I Can”

What’s on your mind? Part 2

I deactivated my FB account yesterday. I don’t know. I just got tired of feeling like a fucking zombie. I’m just as bad as anyone else, but after several posts a day, you have to wonder if your time was well spent. People bitch and air out their garbage on FB anyway. I don’t wantContinue reading “What’s on your mind? Part 2”


Do you ever feel stupid because you know you’re stupid and there’s nothing to save you from your stupidity. To some, this statement not make any sense, but somewhere out in the vast world we live in, some poor schmuck understands what I’m saying. I’m not looking for someone to tell me I’m not stupid.Continue reading “Stupid”

Journal Entry No. 3: Suicidal

I need help. I’m suicidal. But I won’t get help. And for a number of reasons. Okay. Two that I can think of. The first one is that I’m afraid of the reactions that my mind and body may have with the medicine. I would hate to have a panic attack or nervous breakdown atContinue reading “Journal Entry No. 3: Suicidal”