As she watched him leave
Having given up on his dream
She never could have imagined
It would be the last time
She saw him
musings
Lonely
It’s been a while since I’ve been here. I say that like anyone really cares. I used to believe that the worst part of being lonely was being alone in a room by yourself. But now I see that the worst part of being lonely is being in a room full of people and still looking at them as if they were ghosts.
-Graveyard Night
Faith in Crisis
I find myself questioning my faith a great deal. I have too many questions to fill this post. Maybe I’ll write more about it one day. But if God is a Just God, then why does evil occur in the world? It’s an age old question. And the cliche answer is free will. Sadly, the free will of some affects the lives of others. Why don’t we answer this question with a genuine response:
This world be a fucked up place.
A friend of mine is a victim of domestic violence on a daily basis. She’s also a drug addict. And I love her anyway. But I can’t be with her. She’s been abused and has never been given a chance.
How can God allow this knowing it’s happening on a regular basis? The guy is a waste of oxygen, as all abusers are. But if you kill them, you’re the one going to prison. Even though the world ain’t gonna miss that abuser one fucking bit, someone has to pay the price.
I pray for my friend constantly. And I worry about her even more.
Plague
The house he found on the outskirts of town was small. Cold, but small. And it was always safer to remain on the outskirts of wherever you were unless you had to go in for supplies. Better keep your rifle at the ready, too.
The dead were tucked tightly in their beds. Skeletons mostly. The plague swept across the land like a reaper; taking the young and old, sick and well. It seemed like a Stephen King novel come to life. Only this time, there was no dark man, no old black woman sitting on her front porch, strumming a guitar and singing hymnals.
It was just the world. Derelict and unforgiving.
He was nothing more than a vagabond, traipsing across what used to be the United States. The smell of decay in the home wasn’t as potent as what he feared it would be. Now it just smelled musty. He opened a window, nonetheless, and let the late November wind sweep in.
Out back, he grabbed several logs of wood and took them inside. In the garage, he found a stack of newspapers; some were dated two years ago, and others, ten. Starting a fire, he settled down on the floor with several blankets he’d discovered in the hall closet. The heat soaked through his skin and warmed his bones. Smoke from the chimney might alert others to his presence, but he didn’t care.
He thought often of taking his own life, but that small glimmer of hope, that flicker of a flame, that he would one day find a person or persons who still had their sanity about them, kept him alive. Hope was encouraging, and yet, paralyzing.
As he watched the fire consume the wood, the realization that today would have been Thanksgiving crept into his mind. He pushed the thoughts of turkey and gravy and celebrations with friends and family out of his mind. Watching the Dallas Cowboys and Detroit Lions carrying on the tradition of losing in their respective stadiums, was a bygone era. It was difficult to think of anything he was thankful for.
When one thought about it, man’s attempts at self-preservation were all for naught. If even tomorrow an asteroid, a harbinger of doom should slam into the earth’s crust, the earth would still keep spinning. All life would ceases to exist, and it would take thousands, if not, millions of years for it to recycle, but the earth would survive. Mankind would not.
He fell asleep watching the flames dance in the hearth, and listened to the crackle of the logs. The cold autumn wind howled outside and a cool breeze kissed his cheek. He fell asleep that night with dreams of a happier, more pleasant time. A time that was as alien to him as faith itself.
Abortion vs. Vasectomy Analogy
First off, who deems whom financially or emotionally fit to be a parent? Just because someone is not “wealthy” doesn’t make them a bad parent. And unless you have tens of thousands and thousands of dollars in the bank, you will never be financially ready to be a parent. The average cost of reversing a vasectomy is between $7,000 to $9,000. So, who pays for that? This by far is the most asinine comparison I have ever heard of!
I know what you’re going to say. You’re going to say that women have to fight for their abortion “rights” every single day. Since Roe vs Wade, do you know how many times abortion has been overturned, even when the Supreme Court has been packed with conservatives? Zero! Nada! Zip!
Abortion ain’t going anywhere!
While we are at it, let’s stop calling it abortion, and call it what it is: population control. And if you think that governments or billionaires like Bill Gates haven’t expressed support for population control, think again. One only has to look to China to see a clear example. But then again, they’re hardly ever swept up into a war. War is a vital component to population control, too. Hence the reason why President Trump didn’t start any new wars, and Joe Biden has already started sending weapons to the Middle East. Admiral Charles Richard has warned of possible nuclear war with China and Russia.
We are primed for a big one, folks!
Now, some people would say that I, like Augustus McCrae, would argue with a possum. But what the hell? I love the movie Lonesome Dove, so let’s turn on some George Jones and jump right in!
For arguments sake, let’s say that at some point in the near future, the United States government mandates that all males between the ages of 10 and 19 must have an involuntary vasectomy. Vasectomys are able to be reversed, but even a reversal is not 100%.
According to the US Census Bureau, there were 41,852,838 males in the United States as of 2019. Having a vasectomy is cheap; anywhere from 100 to a thousand dollars. It’s the reversal that gets you. And as I stated earlier, a reversal costs between $7,000 to $9,000. Granted, not all males, once they get older and are deemed financially and emotionally fit to have children, will want to have their vasectomys reversed.
I still have yet to figure out how one is considered financially and emotionally fit to be a parent, but again, this is all for fun, sort of. In reality, this argument is as dubious as the analogy. But you get the point.
Are you still reading? Good!
Of those 41,852,838 males, let’s say that eighty percent get their vasectomys reversed. Eighty percent of 41,852,838 is 33,482,270. Between the seven-thousand and nine-thousand, we will play it safe and go with eight-thousand dollars. Which, by the way, who’s going to pay for these? Given the fact that Democrats want to fuck up our economy and socialize everything, we will say the American taxpayer will foot the bill.
Great! We pay for everything else! Why not someone’s vasectomy reversal?! God damn liberals!
Feel free to check my math. Well, my calculators math; 33,482,270 times $8,000 is: $267,858,160,000! Hell, by this time, we may be using the Digital Dollar or the Amero. Regardless of how it goes, it’s all fiat currency. In layman’s terms, it’s currency that isn’t backed by a commodity, such as gold or silver.
I’m sure that I am going to get comments to this claiming that since I am a man, and not a woman, (thank God Almighty), then I have no right to an opinion. If that is the selfish argument with which you are going to bring me, then go on bye. I’ll say this: if you are a Republican or someone who voted for President Trump, and you believe this way, you’re a RINO, a jackass wearing elephant’s skin!
Despite how the media likes to portray us, men are more than simple minded fools who think of more than just breasts and where to stick our dicks!
It wasn’t women who signed the Declaration of Independence and created the Constitution. It wasn’t women, who up until the last few decades, were dying in American wars. It wasn’t teenage girls and young women who were getting shipped to Europe to fight a terrible evil during World War Two and dying on the beaches of Normandy. Did you know that President Truman had two national addresses written for D-Day? One for failure and one for success? And aside from the paper shopping bag and foot pedal trashcan, the inventions created by women worth noting are kevlar, the circular saw and the computer! Now, that’s pretty damn impressive!
As ridiculous as this argument is, it is a polarizing one, nonetheless. Do I think the world could come to the point of forced sterilization? Sure. Do I think war and abortion are the methods of the world power elite to try and control the world’s population? Yes, I do. Since it’s inception in our culture, over sixty-two million babies have been aborted since 1973.
Sixty-two million! How many great leaders, doctors, inventors have we lost out on? George Carlin once said that Americans should stop expecting the government to fix education. Every time you hear a politician talk, it’s always “we need more education!” No. We need you to get the fuck out!
Politicians will never make an honest effort to fix education because they dont want Americans capable of critical thinking. I once read a study, believe it or not, (the study, not my ability to read) that said that Americans are the friendliest people on earth. Why? Because when you see a stranger in the store, what do you do? You smile at them. Why do you smile? Because you’re showing that person that you mean them no harm.
And in that, is our individual identity. In following mask mandates without question, we as Americans, have lost our identity. We no longer see each other as fellow Americans, but as possible carriers of germs. We want things to go back to normal, but they won’t. COVID protocols are much more than virus protection; and like the topic of abortion, it’s about control and divisive manipulation.
A Fresh One
Well, hello!
Couldn’t keep away, huh? It’s been, what, a day? Watch your step! That’s someone’s lower intestines!
I don’t know who the hell it is! A couple of hippies, maybe! Or some fucken horny teenagers!
Ah! Here’s her tit! A pretty good sized one from the looks of it! You want it? Suit yourself.
I don’t know what else I can do. I put up signs, barb wire fences-nothing keeps them out! Humans are attracted to danger. Like you. I think that’s what attracts them.
The lore of this land is known far and wide. I tell ’em to stay out, you know. But they don’t listen. They come here, they get mutilated, and then I have the fucking police breathing down my neck.
The parents will cry, you know? They were such good kids! Then why the fuck were they trespassing on God forbidden land? That broad right there? She got caught with a dick up her snatch!
Damn shame, too! I found her head. I know her, cheerleader. As shallow as the grave but as sexy as sin, though! I wouldn’t have minded fucking her in a few years.
I don’t know who did it, but if you want my guess, it was that hockey masked freak! He can’t stand teenagers that are fucking. That’s how he drowned, you know?
Yeah. Seems the counselors at Camp Crystal Lake were caught up in an orgy. A bunch of young dudes just taking their turns on some slut! Little boy drowned pleading for help. You can kind of understand why he’s a homicidal maniac!
But as my old man used to say, where would the world be without sluts? It’s all ancient history though. You can do the rest of the research yourself.
Sure, you can have a look around. Just stay away from the treeline, and call if you need help.
What’s that? Well, that didn’t take long! Find something? Oh, yes! December 21, 2019! Worst fuckin’ day of my life! I was arrested on that day. Smacked my wife three times on the arm.
Smacked her three times on the arm, and got arrested! Can you believe that shit? Men the world over have busted their women up something awful, she stands in front of the cops and says she fell down the fuckin’ stairs. Cops know better.
I smack my wife on the arm, leave no marks, she didn’t want me to get arrested, but they take me away. Fuckin’ messed up system, we have. And they talk about freedom! We incarcerate more people per capita than any other country in the world.
Anyway, don’t get me started on that shit.
That’s what the grave beside it is for. Hopefully, tomorrow I will be closing this nightmarish chapter in my life. Finally get back to some normalcy.
I can’t say that I’m not blessed, because I am. I’ve had my low points through all this, but I’ve had family to look after me; gave me food, shelter, anything a former inmate could ever want.
I still worry, though. And that’s the damnable misery of it all! Even so, I have to have faith in God that everything will be okay. He’s seen me this far! I don’t expect He will leave me anytime soon.
December 21, 2002? That is spectacular! You have a good eye! You know, when I put 12/21/19 here, I didn’t realize that 12/21/02 was so close bye! That day, my friend, was the day I lost my virginity!
And do you want to know what the ironic thing is? Both of them were on a Saturday! I shit you not! Both were on a Saturday!
Don’t look at me like I’m a crazy man holding up a shovel! I wouldn’t lie to you!
I remember that day like it was yesterday. I worked with her, you know. Big breasted, thick brunette with big green eyes; pretty. Not hot, but pretty.
She was fifteen years older than me! Did I mention that? Fifteen years older and a slut to boot! She took off her shirt and let me play with her titties and suck her nipples. And with just her jeans on, she laid there beside me and sucked my dick!
For at least ten minutes, she sucked my dick; toying with me, really. She didn’t want to get me off! She just wanted an excuse for me to fuck her! Not that I minded at the time.
When she put that condom on me and pulled down her jeans, I knew that shit was getting real. And when she climbed up on her bed and mounted me, and slid down my shaft, I was amazed.
I suppose it’s kind of odd that a man remembers the day and date that he first fucked a woman, but not every man fucks a slut fifteen years older than he was. Where would the world be without sluts, huh?
I flipped her over on her back and pounded her for all she was worth. I didn’t realize it then, but I had a foot fetish. I looked at her feet as I fucked her and thought about kissing them, but I didn’t.
Something happened to me on December 21, 2002 that I couldn’t take back. I’d fucked a woman! Came in her pussy, too! It was the only time we ever used a condom. It wasn’t like I could retain my virginity with a simple denial, was it?
And on December 21, 2019, I was arrested. For a man who has spent his whole life on the right side of the law, to be arrested, is humiliating. I can’t emphasize it enough, my friend, but I’m eager to have this chapter of my life closed.
Lord willing, I hope I’m here to see December 21, 2036. I wonder what that day holds in store for me. I hope it’s good. I’ll be about 52 then.
That’s on a Sunday.
You know, it does get me to thinking though, how many dates and times coincide with one another? Kind of odd when you think about it. My dad graduated high school on Sunday, May 18, 1975. He died on Sunday, May 18, 2003.
Yeah. I see him. He’s just watching you, is all. Keep your privates where they need to be and he might not make an attempt on your life. He ain’t immortal like the people say. He’s just as afraid of dying as the rest of us.
Anyway, I thank you for stopping bye. I’m sorry about the grizzly scene. You can’t unseen that! But it’s common around here. Keep that in mind next time you want to drop in. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go call the police.
I trust you know your way out…
Old Memories
It’s been quiet here lately. No sightings of vampires, ghouls or werewolves. The wind whistles through the trees with a ghastly moan, though.
It sends shivers down my spine!
I used to think this place was a refuge for my pain and repressed memories. Now I’m not so sure. Plenty of good memories have been laid to rest here.
Up ahead is what I like to call the vault; reserved for memories I’ve told no one about. Her wings are outstretched, elegant and proud. All I have to do is insert a key between her breasts, and her chest opens up to a portal. There you can see my most…haunting recollections, shall we say?
Would you like to have a try? No?
It’s probably for the best. Once you look in there, you may not look at me the same. If your mind comes back at all, that is.
Ah, the sun is peaking out! It has been doing that quite a lot here lately. Brighter days ahead, I hope. I do grow weary of hearing the witch’s cackle. The crazy bitch is so elusive! I’ve hunted her for years without success!
What? Abraham Van Helsing? No, sadly, my friend, I am not a Van Helsing. I may look the part, but no. I just defend my territory.
Now, my friend, this is where I leave you. I can only ensure your safety as far as the gates. Please, make haste and leave! Dusk approaches. And with the night comes her various children.
And don’t stop for anyone! I cannot emphasize that enough! If that machete wielding, hockey-masked freak gets in your way, run him over!
You’ll live long enough to thank me for it later!
America’s Greatness
I’ve heard people say that America has never been great. And it really pisses me off! It does! And nine times out of ten, it’s usually some whiny ass, liberal cry baby saying it! Or some black person who’s still pissed off about slavery!
Look, I get it. Slavery, no matter what country you’re in, is a bad thing! Be that as it may, slavery in the United States ended over a century ago! To be precise, it ended in 1865 with the 13th Amendment. That’s 155 years ago!
What the fuck do you want me or someone else living today to do about it? Let me wave my magic wand and erase it completely from existence!
These same liberals who say that America has never had a time of greatness, are still pissed that Donald Trump beat Hillary Clinton. Let’s make this perfectly clear: Hillary Clinton lost the election for herself. While Donald Trump was talking about jobs, she was talking about America’s moral obligation in allowing a man to use the women’s restroom because he feels like a woman! (Insert Shania Twain here)
Take this dumb broad for instance. Notice how she says: It was never great in the first place.
Now, whether or not you’re a sports fan, I want you to go out, find someone who’s wearing a Michael Jordan jersey and tell them that he was never great! That he was never any greater than, say…oh, John Starks. Which Starks was highly overrated, of course. I want you to tell them this and see how long before their fist collapses your nose!
And to be honest, the NBA has never been the same since. It hasn’t. It sucks! Ass! The last player who epitomized greatness in the NBA after Michael Jordan was Kobe Bryant. Lebron James, Steph Curry. Just a bunch of overpaid, cry baby bitches, if you ask me!
Win the national championship, refuse to go to the White House because of the man who’s occupying the building. Fuck off! Most Americans would love to have the chance to see the Oval Office and say “Mr. President”. I know I would! And I wouldn’t care if they be Republican or Democrat!
Jimmy Kimmel. That’s another cry baby bitch! Have you noticed how with almost every single guest he has, he has to bring up President Trump? You’re an entertainer! Entertain! He even tried it with Peyton Manning. And Manning doesn’t even speak ill of his opponents on the football field! Why would he speak ill of the President of the United States?
I’ve gotten off track here. Where was I? Oh yeah! Cry baby, bitch ass liberals and their stubborn refusal to admit that America has had and continues to have moments of greatness!
We’ve already covered slavery. It was bad. Okay. We get it! Let’s move on!
Abraham Lincoln
If scroll up to the screenshot I provided, you’ll see where dumb broad, bitch ass liberal woman said that Abraham Lincoln was really the only President to bring about change in United States. I bet, dear reader, that you and the dumb liberal broad both still believe that Abraham Lincoln was the abolitionist schools today purport him to be!
On August 22, 1862, President Lincoln penned a letter to the editor of the New Your Tribune, Horace Greeley. In it, he said:
My paramount object in this struggle is to save the Union, and is not either to save or to destroy slavery. If I could save the Union without freeing any slave I would do it, and if I could save it by freeing all the slaves I would do it; and if I could save it by freeing some and leaving others alone I would also do that. What I do about slavery, and the colored race, I do because I believe it helps to save the Union; and what I forbear, I forbear because I do not believe it would help to save the Union.
So, you see? Lincoln didn’t give a flying fuck as to who owned whom! In his own words, his “paramount object” was to preserve the Union. On December 18, 1865, Secretary of State William H. Seward declared that the 13th Amendment had been adopted. And that took an effort of Congress and the states. Not Abraham fucking Lincoln!
It should be noted that at the time Lincoln wrote this letter, the Emancipation Proclamation was laying on his desk.
The Declaration of Independence and the Revolution
At the same time that liberal cry babies claim that America has never been great, they fail to realize how close we came to a completely different world than the one we know today! Had our Founding Fathers never answered the call to freedom, or had been crushed by the Royal military, America would now be splintered into several different factions.
Can you imagine a world today where the east coast is controlled by the British? A southeast controlled by Spain? The French (maybe) would control the south, on up to the midwest. And Mexico might have control of the west. Let it be known that there wouldn’t be a single Native American left breathing.
Historical fiction and what-ifs can only lead to conjecture!
On July 4, 1776, fifty-six delegates from the Second Continental Congress declared with a mighty shout that the thirteen colonies were sovereign states and no longer susceptible to British rule. John Hancock, being among them, made his signature the largest of all. The American War for Independence was fought from April 19, 1775 to September 3, 1783.
I can only imagine the patriotism and pure joy of those young Americans as the King’s Royal government conceded to American sovereignty!
The War of 1812
Some historians call the War of 1812 the actual war for American independence. And to them, I say, “fuck you!” The United States kicked British ass twice! And we did a good job of it!
The British, being the vindictive fuckers that they were, instigated war with the United States by running blockades of our harbors and cutting off American trades and goods. Threatened in the west and the north, American forces faced the daunting task of repelling attacks from British military and British supplied Native Americans. On June 18, 1812, President James Madison signed into law a Declaration of War handed to him by Congress.
The war wasn’t without its tribulations. Washington D.C. was sacked, and the White House, having only been twelve years old at the time, was burned. British soldiers captured Capitol Hill and mocked our legislative process. And a despondent President Madison fled in exile.
It was during this war, that Francis Scott Key awoke on a cool September morning, and found the American flag still flying high above Ft. McHenry for the battle of Baltimore. He penned a poem and we know it today as “The Star-Spangled Banner”.
I’m not a complete historian and I’m not about to write down every point and fact of war. However, the United States twice was able to repel the British empire and rise from the ashes.
Other Instances of Greatness
It’s 1:30 in the morning and I’m going to wrap this up before I lose interest. The assertions from liberals that America is not great, that America has never been great, simply confounds my mind. Has the liberal media been that successful in brainwashing the masses into being that disappointed in their country?
Or are they still pissed that Hillary Clinton lost the election? I vote the latter.
The fact that they can disregard the sacrifices of American troops and allied forces, storming the beaches of Normandy is appalling. Did you know that President Roosevelt had two addresses prepared? One for success and one for failure? History hung in the balance. Somewhere in an alternate universe, I fear that history has a different tale to tell.
Let’s fast forward nearly twenty years to the Kennedy administration. Here was a man mired in the sands of war. Either way he went, it was the Soviet Union or Vietnam. Let’s not forget Cuba. The movie Thirteen Days, starring Kevin Costner, Bruce Greenwood and Steven Culp, told the intriguing and harrowing tale of a trio of men who struggled to keep two nations a step away from mutual annihilation.
Sure, there were flashpoints that were beyond President Kennedy’s control and would have forced his hand in all out war, but he kept his head in the midst of war mongers.
But no! The Declaration of Independence, the American War for Independence, the 13th Amendment, the war of 1812, WWI, WWII, rights for women and African-Americans, the preservation of the Union, American inventions and innovations-none of these qualify the United States to the level of greatness.
Instead, liberals constantly look in the rearview mirror, condemning America’s past; a history that is beyond our control. They are an embittered lot! Criticizing those who support the President, assaulting fellow Americans for wearing “MAGA” on their shirts and hats and stealing campaign signs from their front lawns.
And all the while they preach this fucking rhetoric, they don’t realize how cowardly and ignorant their words are. For it is by the sacrifices of men and women alike that they have the right to speak these malicious words!
Sleep
There is no equal balance of sleep with me. I either sleep too little, or too much. I can’t sleep at night. I don’t know if it’s the fact that I’m here at family’s and my wife and children are at home, but when everyone goes to bed, I get anxious. I can’t sleep. I lay down and toss and turn. Maybe the house is too quiet. Maybe the silence reminds me of jail; the silence I heard apart from the occasional iron door slamming shut or the hollering voice barking orders. I know I spent only three days in jail, but still. I start messaging people, hoping someone’s awake and will see it. It’s all for naught mostly. I’m holding on by the thinnest thread of faith.
I’m holding on…
Porn Withdrawal Syndrome
The years I’ve spent being a heavy user of porn have taken their toll. The last few days-maybe even longer-have not been fun. I guess what I am going through is to be expected: irritability, anxiety, lethargy, stress, difficulty sleeping. All of these are signs of addiction withdrawal.
I don’t think that I have ever experienced anything as bad as this. Apparently, symptoms can last up to six months. My brain is rewiring, and with it comes a whole slew of shit I have to deal with. Trepidation about the future, being among them.
I was confident about the future. Combine these withdrawal symptoms with my mom’s constant need to lecture me-yeah, not so much now.
Fucking sucks!
I looked up hand-bra GIFs on the internet and clicked off of them real quick. I’m not really all that interested in opening that bag of snakes. I hope God doesn’t fault me for going through this. If He isn’t going to deliver me outright, at least give me the strength to stand and weather this storm.
There’s a Facebook AT&T advertisement of a woman doing a happy little dance to music that sounds like Norman Greenbaum’s “Spirit in the Sky”. I’d watch it over and over again, because I found it slightly erotic. What the fuck is wrong with me?
I found a guy on Facebook marketplace who is selling vintage erotic books. Satan got the best of me and I began trolling him without the intention of buying. I asked if the were very descriptive and this is what he sent:
I don’t know about you, but whoever’s mom that is, sounds like she is getting the proper throat fucking! Who would want to sit and watch their mom get fucked anyway? Not me!
I shouldn’t have done that, I know. If only life had a fast forward button!
The Average American Man 